we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
