did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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