We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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