im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
