so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
