mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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