it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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