I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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