we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize
