she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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