you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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