now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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