just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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