so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
