I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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