I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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