does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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