margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
