I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
