she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
