I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
