If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
