I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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