It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
