Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
