shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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