I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
