So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
