Pappa wants mamma naked
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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