And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
