This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
