Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You made out with two different species that night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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