GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
