New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
