Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I didn't notice because vodka
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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