What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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