If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can you bring me the toilet please
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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