I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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