I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
