we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
