you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
