addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
