Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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