I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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