I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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