Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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