Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
