I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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