you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
