Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
