Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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