her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
