I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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