Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
