I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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